Best Review Of My Blog.........Ever!

There's nothing that makes you feel more like a celebrity than hatemail. Whoever made the comment below clearly knows me better than my own mother. 'Nuff Said. On with the show. (Dear anonymous commenter, I hope you don't mind that I've corrected your grammar and spelling and made some comments of my own in brackets. Even though I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being, I still have standards. High ones. Which I make lists about in all the free time I have). So here it is. Not THE funniest thing I've ever heard about me but somewhere in the top seven.



Loving_Hamza said...

Absolutely pathetic. This guy makes Britney Spears' Oops I Did it Again sound like a Shakesperean (ShakespEARAn. Petty aren't I?) masterpiece. That's right, he's done it... again. (Oops!)

It would help if Hamza had better things to do in life than watch every single show on telly like some pimply teenage girl (*Chuckles*. I love sexist humor. Too bad there are no jokes about retards here. sigh!). I can see this chap going really "far" in life (I'm sorry I don't get this insult. Too cryptic for me. Anyone else?). In fact, he has so much useless junk in his head after watching tv all day that he feels the need to come and rant about it on his blog (So true).

What would he do without the Hollywood celebrities and the mediocre American shows? (Answer: Find a cure for AIDS) He religiously reads every gossip about Hollywood stars like all bored housewives do (And yet, I still don't have a husband. Oh woe is me).

To justify all his lame behaviour actions (Unnecessary redundant repetition on a loop) he calls himself gay and uncool... he even admits to NOT having a life (but I AM gay. Everybody says so. Why won't you believe me? Is it my undeniable manliness? Maybe if I suck your cock for you huh?). This he does in order to make himself feel good because if somebody else says it to him first that would hurt his ego and make him look like a total dork. Insecure li'l baby (Don't go calling me baby yet. The Pussycat Dolls have taught me not to put out so easy).

He is (was, sugar, WAS!) very insecure about his weight as well, which is why he tries (used to try and succeeded I might add) to laugh it off and make jokes about it.

His favourite website is thesuperficial.com... people who visit such sites are either girls with too much time on their hands or virgin little perverts who can only dream of "those good things" (again with the quotes. This kind of highbrow jabbing escapes me. Sure, if you take your glove off and slap me on the face with it, I'll know that means it's on but that's only 'cos I've seen it on TV) that they can't have. If the guy got pussy (I do. I do. I have the Syphilis to prove it) he wouldn't be snooping around these sites everyday jacking off to cellulite on celluloid (nothing compares to a good self-administered handjob. I guess you're not a man or else you'd understand. Right fellas? Woop Woop).



That was all folks. I wanna print this, frame it and put it on my wall. And of course jack off to it like a pimply teenage Britney Spears. Whoever wrote this. I wanna shake your hand (so that you'll contract my Syphilis!!!!)

**Update: Well whaddaya know? It IS "Shakespearean". That must mean...could it be?...Yes! I'm not god after all!!! *gasps*. I guess I should cancel my plans to jump off the peak of Mt. Everest into that strategically placed tank of piranhas. What will I do this weekend then? *Looks hopefully through TV guide*

Big Boy Blues

Life is like an onion. Layers and layers of tear-induce-y goodness. Still better than a peach I say. Yeah it's all juicy scrumptiousness when you start nibbling at it but once that's all bitten away you're left with a poisonous pit. Wait, maybe life's more peachy after all. Ah hell! I guess I could even make puppies and chocolate seem gloomy in my present state. Have a listen to Billie Holiday singing Blue Moon as only a bitter and broken crackwhore who died without ever finding love could, while I go find some bleach, a razor and a roof-ledge for....uh..a project.

For Male' - I Love This City

There's no other place with quite so many losers.
We're all really Muslims but most of us boozers,
Too.
"Slavery's not dead", said the Bangaalhee.
Rhyming is hard with a word like Bangaalhee,
Oh pooh!

We can hate it or love it,
But can't rise above it,
Like the rest of the world can do.

'cos Male's the place where i was born.
It's not just a coop that this pigeon has flown.
It sometimes gets boring but my heart is torn.
I can't really leave it, I'd rather just moan.
Ooh!

Posing's perfected like an artform in Male'.
Borrowed concepts and words form most of our parlay,
Don't they?
Masood and Khalil and Heena Waleed,
Seezan or Niuma or Ablo Hameed,
Euppey!

You can hate it or love it,
But you've gotta admit it.
This place is so happy and gay.

'cos Male's the place where i wanna be.
It's more than just palm trees, the sun and the sea.
London, New York and KL's not for me.
I don't wanna leave it so please let me be.
Hooray!

This One Goes Out...

*Update:- By the by, I think I forgot to mention that the song down yonder is by a comedienne and not my usual wannabe-artsy-fartsy fare. This is seriously the funniest thing I've ever heard in a long time. Watch it please, if just to prove me wrong when it doesn't make you laugh.

Heartfelt thanks are in order to iwatchstuff.com for pointing me in the general direction of this clip (see y'all, ripping off someone else's ideas can be done with class too). Anyway, there's nothing I could say that would trump this video (except for [bleep] [bleep] you [bleepin'] [bleeps]) so I'll let Sarah Silverman do her thing. I dedicate this to anyone who's ever been unlucky enough to make my acquaintance. Enjoy the song you losers. I heart you.