There's nothing that makes you feel more like a celebrity than hatemail. Whoever made the comment below clearly knows me better than my own mother. 'Nuff Said. On with the show. (Dear anonymous commenter, I hope you don't mind that I've corrected your grammar and spelling and made some comments of my own in brackets. Even though I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being, I still have standards. High ones. Which I make lists about in all the free time I have). So here it is. Not THE funniest thing I've ever heard about me but somewhere in the top seven.
Loving_Hamza said...
Absolutely pathetic. This guy makes Britney Spears' Oops I Did it Again sound like a Shakesperean (ShakespEARAn. Petty aren't I?) masterpiece. That's right, he's done it... again. (Oops!)
It would help if Hamza had better things to do in life than watch every single show on telly like some pimply teenage girl (*Chuckles*. I love sexist humor. Too bad there are no jokes about retards here. sigh!). I can see this chap going really "far" in life (I'm sorry I don't get this insult. Too cryptic for me. Anyone else?). In fact, he has so much useless junk in his head after watching tv all day that he feels the need to come and rant about it on his blog (So true).
What would he do without the Hollywood celebrities and the mediocre American shows? (Answer: Find a cure for AIDS) He religiously reads every gossip about Hollywood stars like all bored housewives do (And yet, I still don't have a husband. Oh woe is me).
To justify all his lame behaviour actions (Unnecessary redundant repetition on a loop) he calls himself gay and uncool... he even admits to NOT having a life (but I AM gay. Everybody says so. Why won't you believe me? Is it my undeniable manliness? Maybe if I suck your cock for you huh?). This he does in order to make himself feel good because if somebody else says it to him first that would hurt his ego and make him look like a total dork. Insecure li'l baby (Don't go calling me baby yet. The Pussycat Dolls have taught me not to put out so easy).
He is (was, sugar, WAS!) very insecure about his weight as well, which is why he tries (used to try and succeeded I might add) to laugh it off and make jokes about it.
His favourite website is thesuperficial.com... people who visit such sites are either girls with too much time on their hands or virgin little perverts who can only dream of "those good things" (again with the quotes. This kind of highbrow jabbing escapes me. Sure, if you take your glove off and slap me on the face with it, I'll know that means it's on but that's only 'cos I've seen it on TV) that they can't have. If the guy got pussy (I do. I do. I have the Syphilis to prove it) he wouldn't be snooping around these sites everyday jacking off to cellulite on celluloid (nothing compares to a good self-administered handjob. I guess you're not a man or else you'd understand. Right fellas? Woop Woop).
That was all folks. I wanna print this, frame it and put it on my wall. And of course jack off to it like a pimply teenage Britney Spears. Whoever wrote this. I wanna shake your hand (so that you'll contract my Syphilis!!!!)
**Update: Well whaddaya know? It IS "Shakespearean". That must mean...could it be?...Yes! I'm not god after all!!! *gasps*. I guess I should cancel my plans to jump off the peak of Mt. Everest into that strategically placed tank of piranhas. What will I do this weekend then? *Looks hopefully through TV guide*
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60 comments:
*laughing my ass off*
lol... hate mail is inspiring innit?
you a celebrity or something?
Congratulations on your first troll. No blog is complete without one :D.
I'm very honoured that Hamza has not just thought me worthy of a reply but found that I deserved an entry all by myself on his wonderful blog.(Imagine my delight... I almost fainted. So overwhelming! Never in ma wildest dreams did I think I'll ever make it to...*speechless*)... Thanks man. I feel like I've got a reason to live now. Am so touched. *sniff* I loves you maan... *hugs*
I'm also grateful that Hamza has taken it on himself to "correct"(oh yes, more quotes... but I'm also going to be (over)using more brackets like you do too to add dumb cliched remarks I hear on trashy American shows just for added effect to make myself sound "cool" - ohhh noooo, more comments. Whine bitch, whine... oops did I call you bitch again. Woe unto me! Haha)
I'm also quite shaken thinking that he's going to be breathing down my neck and ready to whoop my ass if I make a single grammatical or spelling mistake. I'm too lazy... so I guess I need someone like Hamza to give me a push to motivate me. (Please do correct my English here too. I need all the help I can get from a superior, non-native English speaker like yourself. You are just too good man, not to mention how kind you are Sir. Oh I'm not saying I'm a native speaker but I certainly am not superior to anyone. So there ya go!)
By the way I didn't expect you to be get so wound up by a silly n dumb(over-use, repetitive loop? Oops sir, me apologies) li'l remark made by a retarded person(oh yesss the retarded jokes finally!) whose English is obviously less superior to yours. Yes, I don't go around correcting other people's spelling or English but since you are so interested in such "petty" things(oops! fucking hell... this is infectious), I thought... well why not, eh?
ShakesPEARan, you say? It's Shakespearean you dumb fool(perhaps I should check out Big Brother's Little Brother or American Idol for a more comical and cooler(is this right, English teacher? Cooler? Am I allowed to use brackets within brackets?) insult, eh? Sorry, I know brackets are your domain but I just can't help it)... I just hate English ya know. Never was too good at it in school either. It's like bloody rocket science. Don't think I'll ever get it. (nevertheless how can I say no to free English lessons?)
Anyway funny shit, that. Good try buddy but please wipe the shit on your ass before you go around pointing the finger at others and "trying"(yayyy!) to correct their English. Commendable effort nevertheless. We know now that you can sorta think of that as a career just in case you can't find yourself a job. (Don't think anybody's ever put watching trashy American shows and listening to gay pop songs on their resume... *shrugs* so that's out, English teacher sounds like the job for ya). No offence though man... if a bum like myself has to correct you on occasion, I reckonz ya need to polish on your English... not too much ya know.... just a leeetle bit... n you is gonna be just fine sirs.
Hamza you are the best, man... seriously love you. You are so cool n shit. It was amazing how you could pick on a typo just like that. I would never have guessed it myself. This is why I worship you man. That's right, I'm your number one fan. No doubt about it maan. I fucking loves you maan.
Since we are on grammar n shit(mostly shit, wouldn't ya think Sirs?), can I just clarify something from you Sirs? Is it not THE best blog review? (Petty, aren't I? Oops, copyright breach!!!!!!) I'm kinda confused about that... but you are the man. I ain't saying nuffin'. I thinks you can sort it out for me.(Awaiting youse reply eagerlyz on dis...) I just wanted to clarifyz that because I sure wouldn't want to be speaking bad English for the rest of me life. I can't live like dat no more(anymore? Sirs?). I wanna be able to speak like 'em cool people on Desperate Housewives and the L Word. Oh they are da best. Those shows make my (miserable) life complete.
Love the Pussy Cats comment by the way Sirs. That was just great! Perfect timing n all. I find it quite intellectual and enlightening. I actually had to do a bit of research and read the biography of the Pussy Cat Dolls... err wait a minute... it's the Pussycat Dolls... sooo sorry Sirz... I wouldn't want you picking on my spelling, punctuation or grammar again. Gives me nightmares really You certainly give me the creeps Sirs!... fooooook.. more repetition)
Anyway what is woop? Is that like some sound effect or something? I'm not familiar with this English word. I must admit my vocabulary isn't as extensive as yours Sirz... I thinks I know whoop but I'd be grateful if you could help me out here. I got a headache trying to figure this one out.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt your ego so bad. I know teenage girls(am I being sexist again, intellectual sirs?) like yourself feel the need to "win"(please don't pick on me, please! I can't take it no more)all bitchfights. "Oh yes, eat that... I have got one over you. Who d'ya think ya messing with, huh? I'll show ya...)
It's funny that all he can think of to "get one over" a retarded bum like myself is to pick on a typo. I kinda got excited when he said he was going to correct my grammar at the start but I never saw him do that either. Maybe I'm going blind here.
Anyway I hope he's feeling a tad better after "correcting my grammar and spelling"(heh!)... I certainly wouldn't want him walking around for the rest of his life with a bruised ego because of a bum(troll? Am I trolling you Hamza dear? Shit, can I call you that Sirz? So sorry...) like me. Oh by the way before I go, that syphilis comment was just great... I intend to use that the next time someone calls me a bum or a geek who can't get no pussy(shit, I guess I can never be a geek with my shit English... my English is so shitty... Lord Hamza sez so.. I think I'll just go n cry in my room...)
I hope my comments are good enough to make Lord Hamza's next blog entry. I would be heartbroken if it doesn't pass the acid-test and make it.Hell, I might even commit suicide... I hope Lord Hamza didn't have much trouble reading through my badly written post. (I know I'm not in his league. Yeah the guy has standards... wow!)
Cheerio!...
dude, hamza, u r a person after my own heart. totally. beleive me, i get u. and the way u handled that hatemail was awesome. good job. u da man.
FINALLY maldivians are getting cool! i've been waiting for this a long time.
If you think listening to Pussycat Dolls and making gay comments using their lyrics is "cool" you got something else coming.
If Hamza was indeed cool he'd ignore the so called hate-mail instead of getting all worked up and wasting his breath, energy and time responding to it. I wouldn't even bother replying to such crap even if I was bored.
The fact that Hamza has responded to this hate mail shows that he is no better.
It's even funnier when some people think this is all good stuff. It's sad to think that some people actually think these kinds of lame antics are cool. You people need to grow up.
Who cares about these kind of bitch fights? It happens all the time. I find both Hamza and Loving_Hamza equally lame and annoying.
Is that all Hamza can talk about? Giving blowjobs, syphilis, other STDs and done-to-death sex jokes? Is this people's idea of being cool? Very shallow I must say.
Unlike one commentor said, I don't think Maldivians are getting more intelligent or cool. They are just watching too much American TV. I don't know what kind of IQ you require to do such a passive thing as that.
If our youth did more useful things Maldives(and indeed the world) would be a much better place. The last thing we need is a bunch of kids who have memorised all the Pussycat Dolls and Rihanna's pop songs.
We are slaves to all these foreign products. We eat and shit the white man's poo. The white people of course have done some good things but as usual we can only indulge in their poo. Would it not be better if we did something more useful and constructive?
Being able to say "do you want me to suck your dick?" is very cool of course, in some people's dictionaries.
Lame American jokes(mostly sex jokes) have become old and boring like most new tv shows these days. There's nothing fresh or creative about them anymore. People have run out of ideas and it's the same stuff repeating over and over again.
As usual, the Maldivians are only catching up with it now. So it's no big surprise a lot of Maldivian readers of this blog, are getting easily amused by these things and also by lame comments made by Hamza and his lovely(loving) sidekick.
Haha Shakesperean, Shakespearan, Shakespearean lol. So much for correcting other people english. I certainly wouldn't go to Hamza for spelling lessons after this haha. Anyway that was funny.
Yawn! Bored now. Moving on then. And hugs right back. :D
Hamza seems to be at a loss for words after that mighty blog entry he made just for the sole purpose of dissing his stalker/fan who dared to bruise Hamza's overinflated ego. Revenge has never been this sweet.
I would be quite ashamed too after his failed 'Shakespearean' attempt at correcting other people's spelling. It's a clear case of stepping on your own dick and shit hitting the fan. Ouch and eww!!!
The stalker has won this round of the wrestling bout hands down. I guess some people think this is cool. Anyway nice job.
Dude get your own blog and call it ihatehamza. That'd be so sweet! You've got enough material for it. Does the fact that I'm enjoying this take away from any of the fun? I really don't take myself that seriously, just so you know. Anyway no hard feelings. I'm sure it's my blog you hate and not the real, delicious, me. xoxoxo
You wrote the whole thing yourself n put it there didn't u?
I wish, but the truth is that I can't take credit for it.
FEI: My blog isn't a Hamzocracy. Anyone's welcome to say what they want and I actually dig the venomous critiques more than the tons and tons of praise I get..and tons! I admit I was a tad too excited at seeing something quite so deliciously vicious so I thought it deserved a little special attention from me but it was never my intent to belittle or ridicule anyone's right to poke fun at me or my blog. I'd like to think I have more of a sense of humor than that. So there's going to be no censoring or blocking of anonymous comments because I truly am getting a kick out of this.
*This is in no way meant to dissuade the haters or make myself appear to be the bigger person.
This is just lame. Hamza and his anonymous fan should just marry each other. They make a perfect couple. A match made in heaven(or Hell?) truely, you decide.
Why just a blog? Why not an entire website dedicated to you sweetheart? I can see it even now, "Hamza's unofficial webpage". With your blessing it can become official of course.
By the way you are wrong. We don't hate you. Is that why you are throwing up such a fuss? No sir, we love you too much to hate you.
Haters? Are you calling me a hater? Cummon, death unto all you haters haha. Gosh you are so deliciously American it's just sooo cooool. Awesome dude. How long do you spend each day worshipping everything that is American? There's not much on British tv, is there? I can understand your boredom.
I knew you would get excited if I came around to entertain you. It's nice to see that you are not picking on my spelling now sHAMZAkespear.
Since we are playing scrabbles today I have a few words for you too on top of Hamzocracy... HamzAmericanWhore, EnglisHamzArse... want more? Yeah rest assured it'll all be on the new domain name I'm buying for you. Coming pretty soon.
Cummon you can't admit defeat so soon. Let's go on the boxing ring, you n me. Messing up that spelling lesson was nothing. That's nothing to be be ashamed of. Happens to the best of us. I am sure we can have another round of spelling bee English teacher Sirs.
Trying to act cool and nonchalant doesn't mean shit. You know you've made a complete fool of yourself in the only place where you can actually act big. (Haha I can't believe he thinks it's cool to belittle people and appear BIG here in this cool virtual world)
Anyway I'm glad that he's enjoying himself. We aim to please. That's our motto. We provide the best service online(Haters, Inc) :D
Oh a smiley face on the end just means I'm really cool and not at all bothered about this. :D LOL
Hamza's Unofficial fan page is a cool title and yes it IS Shakespearean dear Sirs(at least the guy had the balls to admit it, admirable!)
The bard must be shifting in his grave now. (Well whaddaya know, ya learn sumthin' new every day, thank me thank me - suck my cock, why won't ya? - I must be the new God in da block)
An Englishman like yourself should know better. Maybe too much yankee-doodle(noodle)-do-dud tv is messing up your intellect sirs.
Looks like another point for me in the ring. Damn I'm good! (nothing personal, I like to believe I have a sense of humour like you Sirs)
I love "belittling" people(cryptic, high brow jabbing lol whaddayaknow I'm an intellectual giant)on the internet. Makes me feel so good about myself.
That's one short lived career as an English teacher lmao. Must be a world record dat. Somebody ought to check up on that. Time to look at a career change ding ding.. career service? looking for a new job, are we? cleaning with ma half complete undergrad arts degree? Sounds perfect. Mind you, still not a dropout. I'll get there some day, somehow.
Anybody who can take that much of a beating and yet stand with his/her head high deserves respect. You da man(or woman)! - (cannot be sexist, hell no! Wouldn't want any feminist leaders like Hamzaaaa shooting me)
Where's the grammar police? Is constable Hamza of the spelling squad around? Damn! Gotta watch out for the typos too. The last thing you need is the gestapo sniffing up your ass and gassing you for bad spelling.
Oh this is just so much fun and I could trade barbs with you all week if I want but a question comes to mind. Why? I have no enemies in real life as far as I know and I have no idea who you are. If the subtext of my posts don't make it clear enough, yes I am aware that I'm very much influenced by Hollywood, among other things I enjoy (and sometimes "enjoy") about American culture, in my style of writing (and as I'm not actually American or have lived in the States, which, before you say it, is abundantly clear to myself and everyone else who reads my blog, all I can do is imitate what I see to the best of my abilities while attempting to make it appear as homage or mockery as the situation demands, but in all fairness to myself I have added a few touches of my own here and there whether anyone cares to acknowledge it or not. I'm also aware that I don't come across as a swaggering stereotype of what a man should be and my taste in music does include bubblegum pop, but what I fail to understand is why I've ever given you the impression that I think I'm any better than what you've described me to be or that I aspire to anything better for that matter. If I have, then let me state for the record, yes I am all that you said I am and proud of it. So now that that's clear let's all act civilized and leave the copy-clown to his silly obsession with Americana? I'll leave the idealism to you. Like I said before you're welcome to hate my posts and my blog and be vocal about it. But wait! This is pointless! Because I don't think my candor is something you appreciate. You'd much rather I indulge this little farce of yours until you're satisfied. So here goes.
(Imagine me at my most hysterical if it helps) Oh no! How could this have happened?!! You've bested me! How shall I go on? My worst fears have come true! I've been emasculated and thoroughly humiliated and so on and so forth. So here you are, more fuel to the fire. A bone for the doggy. Chew on it and get your fix. And yes I am bored. Slow weekend actually. So why not humor you right? Ding ding. Next round.
If anyone cares I think there's a bracket that was never closed somewhere in the first paragraph of the above comment. I'm too tired to correct it. So feel free to jump on it ya jackals. Have fun. Nite nite.
Haha the guy's got serious all of a sudden. What happened to his all American humour? lmao.
The guy has no enemies in real life? Wow! So who are all these "haters"? lol.. this can't be. Noooo, I'm too lovable to have haters. I'm too popular and cool. Everybody loves me!!!
"I hope you don't mind that I've corrected your grammar and spelling and made some comments of my own in brackets. Even though I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being, I still have standards. High ones."
LMAO. That above never fails to crack me up even after reading it for the zillionth time. The way the li'l fool got excited, foaming at the corner of his mouth. He was really enjoying himself writing all that, thinking he was really cool. I can see that(with all the neat brackets, colours, capitlizing certain letters LOL which of course didn't serve much purpose or maybe it did, he certainly did a pretty job with the formatting, I must admit. This is what I like about the dude. He goes all the way to make a guy feel special). Too bad that he got a taste of his own medicine lmao. Haha.(he sure wasn't expecting a street bum like myself to beat him up this bad on the professional circuit. A street brawl is another story)
Well I don't mind *you* correcting anything but what I DO MIND, is you TRYING to correct me, slipping really bad, making boo-boos and teaching me wrong shit. That, I do mind ma friend.
I hate to take away anything from your moment of glory, especially after your grand blog entry bashing me(or at least trying to)and the last "serious" comment about how you are paying "homage" to American culture, but this shit has blown in your face. Big time. Even the great Alexander and Napolean would be noble enough to accept defeat under these circumstances(I hope I spelt their names correct. My sincere apologies if I didn't)
Don't pretend that you don't like picking on people and poking fun at 'em. Now all of a sudden when you've become the (innocent little lol) victim, you start getting all serious and complaining about how unfair this is.
Why oh why? Why me!!?... I don't have any enemies in real life.
Those who live by the sword die by the sword. Hehe. Guess what, I got a new English teacher. He taught me that. Pretty neat, eh?
I guess a clown like Hamza gets serious too sometimes. Afterall he IS human.(... but I guess that thought never crossed his mind while he went around making jokes about other people) Heh!
Who would have thought that underneath all that pretentious, pompous, ugly trash lay a very sensitive, caring soul lmao.
Since the guy really wants to know.... yes, I'm your ugly bf whom you dumped for that American trash. I'm still bitter about it. Excuse me while I go passing syphilis to other people. (by the way all those homo jokes aren't funny! I'm a fag God, I am... so suck my cock, why won't you?) Haaaaaaaaahaha.
By the way what the fuck do you think you are doing on a Friday night stuck indoors like some loser with no pussy, typing away furiously at the keyboard? I thought you had to go around passing syphilis to people and cracking them up with your American humour... but I guess you can only type these things in your own sweet time in the comfort of your home. Being able to say it real life is a whole new ball game, huh?
Contrary to what you believe, Jim Carey isn't really like that in real life. Well, he's funny but he doesn't act like an idiot all the time. Oh well!
First of all Jim Carrey is originally from Canada. I thought I was pretending to be American? Oh the world's greatest heckler just got tangled in his own big dong during a pissing contest. Messy messy messy!
What's wrong with me taking you seriously? I'm not your monkey so I don't have to dance to your tune. I'll be funny when I want to. Why are you so concerned about my personal life either? I was free on a Friday night. Why do you wanna know why? You wanna ask me out? Like I said, I'm not playing the same game as you are. Guess that's why you're getting so frustrated and taking everything I say so seriously. By the way, I just couldn't resist the Jim Carrey thing. If you think you're the person to bring me down to earth ('cos apparently I make fun of people and make them jealous and vindictive??? By the way you're not any of the celebrities or institutions I've made fun of are you? I would think they'd have better things to do) then brush up on your Hollywood trivia.
But the funniest thing is the part where you actually have no idea who I am at all. Yes. I DO crack people up in real life as well. Does that make you madder? There are always going to be people who are funnier than you, better looking than you, have bigger dicks than you and sometimes you might not feel that the love they get from society is well-deserved. But that's life dude. The sooner you accept it the better, for you.
But the Jim Carrey thing though. It's almost too good to be true that you fell right into that. LOL. Coming off sounding as if you know him personally kinda makes it funnier as well. I'm gonna go look at that again and tug one out.
My bad. I should be crucified for not knowing jackshit about Jim Carey. Wikipedia, where art thou?
I was waiting for you to say something about Jim Carey and you fell right for it. :D (by the way I'm not gonna go into the Canada/America thing and go into all sorts of geography and history lessons... yeah right, Canada is right on the other side of the world down there with Australia)
I'm just curious though... what has Canada got anything to do with anything? Nicole Kidman is from Australia, Russell Crowe from well.. New Zealand, Sean Connery from Scotland, Christian Bale from Wales... oh wait, they are not from Hollywood, are they? Shoot me for crying out loud. So how can they be in crappy American movies? (by the way, I must admit I googled all that. I failed my last semester exams because I didn't know where Sean Connery was from originally)
Well whaddaya know... ur ma monkey and you are dancing to ma tunes. Maybe you need to step back and look at the picture rolling. Maybe you'll get a better idea then.
Anyway it's great you think you are cool and funny... it's quite fun staying home all day long especially over the weekend fighting with losers on the internet(hell, I can make derogatory comments about myself too ya know. Doesn't that make me cool?) I can see the fun in that, yes. Funny shit. (you can't stop replying to my inane rants, can you monkey?). 'Nuff said. (LOL... I love saying that. Makes me sound soooo coooool. Thank you America!!!)
By the way, I love your "big dick" comment. :D That was so original and I can see your own touches there too. I'm not talking about self administered handjobs here either when I say that.
Hamza has already found his new career path after that miserable stint teaching English... he's going to teach us Hollywood trivia, by god. Gotta love da man! (Dude, I can see that this is all bothering you a lot? Can't you accommodate another superhero in your neighbourhoold? Are you worried that I might steal all the limelight and thunder from yours truely? lmao)
Again I repeat, what will we do without Hollywood? God bless America!
Who is playing whose game I wonder. :D
Ham-onkey-za!!!... the bitchfight continues...
Fluffy is that you? For god's sake leave me alone will ya? LOLZ
"But the funniest thing is the part where you actually have no idea who I am at all. Yes. I DO crack people up in real life as well. Does that make you madder? There are always going to be people who are funnier than you, better looking than you, have bigger dicks than you and sometimes you might not feel that the love they get from society is well-deserved. But that's life dude. The sooner you accept it the better, for you."
There is actually a "part" where I actually have no idea who you are? Which part is that, may I ask?.. if you don't mind, that is. (I love the way you constructed the whole sentence. A fine example of trying to reach the nose from behind your head. Neat trick)
Don't worry I'm not going to pick on the lonely bracket hanging there. I maybe petty but I'm not as petty as you are but the "...)then brush up on your...", I kinda lost it there. I think you ought to retype it for the benefit of dumb folks like me here. (Not picking on the brackets mate, just that it doesn't make much sense at all without your great formatting.. maybe there is a typo there as well but who am I to "correct" your superior American English, eh?)
Anyway that was one fine 'lesson in life'. I like the way you ended it too. "But that's life dude." Don't want to pick too much of a bone there but my new English teacher says it's bad English to start a sentence with But... but... what should I do? This English thing is hard. I don't think I'll ever be able to construct a sentence properly.
Anyway, that speech was quite inspirational(I was near tears by the end of it. My li'l goldfish broke down a coupla times while I read it aloud to it. Great stuff!).It has made me realise what a bum I am and that I actually should do something with my life instead of being jealous of other people(who are way cooler AND FUNNIER than me) and should stop doing negative things like that. I reckon you should become a spiritual master/healer.. is there such a profession? Maybe a yoga teacher? Those cool yoga gurus with long beards and hair... cummon ya know what I'm talking about. There was even that cool American flick about it... The Guru, was it?.. with Heather Graham. She's American, isn't she? Phew, thank God for that!
Ya know what my favourite meal is? It's called a Ham-burger-za LOL. I love making burgers outta Ham(zah!).. heh!
By the way no ham-burger-za(s) for ya Hamza dear... wouldn't want you getting all fat again. (I wouldn't exactly call you slim either but thank god you ain't obese now. A sight for sore eyes... nay let bygones be bygones)
What kind of a gay nick is Fluffy you moron? Don't tell me it's one of those "colorful" characters in American literature that I'm not familiar with(Woe unto me... I should consume more grits) I think I heard someone say Fluffy in a porno doco(is this allowed? NFI.. who cares eh), I watched when I was 15... no wait a minute, that was fluffer. I wish Hamza(hhh)..(just hate trying to pronounce that silent H at the end)... I wish Hamza(h) would stop using that much soapbox slang. It's doing my head in. I haf neva been to no school. I'm only a monosyllabic bum y'all. Have a good day sir.
Hehe yeah... there are a few parts where you know who he is and I guess "a part" where you have "no idea" who he is. Nice word play!
I guess Hamza is right. Hamza himself doesn't know who he is half the time(the meaning of life, anyone?) Very philosophical indeed.
C'mon Fluffy. What did I do to piss you off dude?
hey I thought Fluffy was a girl!
Dear Hamza(hhhh---kkhhhh *starts coughing uncontrollably*!!!)... what happened to you me lord? Lost the fight in the first round itself?... tsk tsk. If you can't finish shit then don't start it.
The best blog entry of "Best review of a blog" eva!!! lmao
I still don't have a tv at home. So I can't spit out really cool American shit. I guess Hamza is at the ole drawing board thinking of a cool way to get back at his "haters" lol.
The "haters" made so much fun of his previous comments now he's scared to even write anything longer than one line.
No... fluffy, barbie, pooh(Hamza-h indeed does have some really strange friends) and the rest of the gang aren't pissed off at ya. Why would they be? We adore your delicious American self too much to hate you. How can we hate a funny, cool, wannabe American superstar with a big dick who speaks purrrr-fect English? :D
What a transformation... Hamza Almighty to Hamza all cranky lmao. I hope I didn't kill his spirits too much.
Hamza's how to win a bitchfight.
1. Pick on grammar, punctuation and spelling.
2. Use Hollywood trivia and insult people using that.
3. Hamza is always right and never makes a boo-boo. Hamza should always have the last word(in other words let him put in the last comment just to make him happy)
4. Refer point number one.
Yeah... Hollywood trivia! The best and only way(most reliable anyway)to determine your IQ(EQ) level.
Right then, first question... how many nipples does Jim Carey have? lmao
Oh hey yeah. Sorry man. I can't really do this now. You caught me at a bad time in my life. So whatever it is that I did to piss you off, my sincerest apologies ok? I'm really not in the mood for this (Yeah even anti-heroes have the right to bleed). So if it makes you happy, you've won. I accept defeat. I surrender. White flag and all that. You're free to tear my blog and me to shreds but I can't really get back to you at the mo. So see ya round. Have a good one :D.
Awww... Hmmm. Really? I thought you were enjoying this. What a shame though.. (how often does the plot change in your screenplays? Attack first... failing which try to sound all serious and explain yourself and clear all misunderstandings/confusion, when that fails pretend that you were being funny even when you were being serious, pretend you are enjoying all this... and nowwww(the fella has no time for this nonsense. Absolute garbage. Rubbish. tosh.. Crap repeating on a loop!)... even more twists and turns in the script. Absolutely nail-biting stuff, dis! I'm holding on to the edge of the seat, holding my breath and holding my cock... errr... sorry American influence. Gotta make a cock reference somewhere... obligatory shit). Was that bracket too long? Hmmm.. dunno... anyway let's move onto the next part of our program...
Today's new word: "Haters"... Refer a ghetto dictionary(harvard americaniZed version XX.07)
Lame excuse #1: When you run out of words pretend that you have better things to do.
Yeah his 'slow' weekend suddenly turned all fast and furious when his syphilis infected buddies(including the most handsome Fluffy the maacho macho man with the pretty nick) dropped by for an orgy... American-style.
Hamza's Guide to being kewl:
1. Watching American idol and knowing the names of all the contestants in full(with correct spelling... this is an absolute must!)
2. Knowing all cool(I mean kewl) trivia about the contestants including the colOR of Sanjay Malakar's(sp?)pubes.
3. Watching what's on "top of the pops" and how many records the Pussycat Dolls has sold this week.
(Also, it's quite useful to know all the band members' names in full, with correct SPELLING of course. One of the essential things in life, I dare say. Certainly in one of the top 10 things you've GOTTA to do before you die!)
Note: * I cannOT stress the importance of "good" spelling. Bad spelling is injurious to health and it can kill you! Say NO to BAD SPELLING!!!
4. Browsing through the lyrics of the Pussycat Dolls on the Internet and singing to their songs(out aloud. This is very important!!!) while memorising the words to it.
5. Watching all the current 'hit'(commercial) American shows to be with the IN crowd(ie the millions, possibly billions of pimply teenage kids who think it's tragic(!) that X and Y broke from the L Word. My my...)
6. Last but not least... blog about these important things and share them with everyone. We wouldn't want anyone missing out on any of these good stuff. It's way too cool for people not to experience this stuff... before they die. Now thaT would be sad!
So everybody buy a television, a computer... hook yourself up to the internet and your life is complete.
X and Y broke up in L Word...anyway there are heaps more mistakes there apart from that. I'm sure the grammar police will correct me soon enough.
guys, give it a rest n move on... change topic.
Hamzah, baby, don't go
baby don't go
the last word i want to hear is from thou
thou must preach the last word to me
Hamzah, baby, don't go
baby don't go
Thunder in paradise i see.....finally my lucky brother has found a soul mate..someone to call his own. please invite me even its limited seating.
Sista-in-law
whats up with that weird guy?? Hamza, dude, you've done the right thing now by ignoring him. shoudve done it ages ago. i think the guy's just constipated.
Oh wow did Hamza ignore the guy or got beaten at his own game?
I wonder if you know the meaning of 'constiptated'. heh!
Quick pick on typo :D
Whadya expect us to watch then, crummy indian soap operas???
i guess sooo...or maybe Spanish soaps which are worse. face it American entertainment is da bomb. God bless America and no other country...You know in my opinion this guy who is trespassing on hamzah's blog may well be his biggest fan. I mean if i thought so lil of someone i wouldnt keep coming back to his blog, looking for a reply. I bet loving hamzah is an over weight, overly hairy physically challenged retard who is........oops (didnt the doctor tell you to learn when to stop)Loving Hamzah is special so very special...why dont you show yourself freak or are you too ughhhlyyy..
Yeah we lurrrve American culture... seems to run in the family too.
Are those blue contact lenses? Ooh no, it's all natural man... if you watch American tv long enough you'd get them too. ColOR your hair blonde and who knows your skin might turn white too one day... heh... jusssst like jacko wacko's did, is that his name? Coool. He's American, ain't he!? What makes it even kewlerrr is he sings pop songs. Sweeeeeeet!
Talking about being overweight and cool tv shows, I got more nightmares watching these two freak shows carrying all that extra fat than watching Suneeta dance in a miniskirt. (like those plus sized models... obes(e)uperstars!!!)... am still taking therapy sessions for that. Haven't recovered from that shock yet.
Do share with us... your slimming diet.(heh!) Better still, why not make a new blog entry about it.
I advised the poor fuck to ignore the 'troll' even at the start lmao. The mofo(is this American? Heh) thought he was the only person who could say two words in American English.
It's not too cool to 'give up'(ignore the troll. There I slapped ya with my gloves off haha) once you realise that you are in for a real treat.
Guess what... our deliiiicio-ussss little Hamza doesn't feel so biiig anymore hahaha.
And oh yeah... God Bless America! :D
You shouldn't wear yourself out trying to prove to us how good American shows are. We already know that. :D America rocks!!!
I hope you didn't mind too much about me poking fun at your looks.(quite superficial, eh)
I mean if you can pick on Suneeta(she's human too and can't help the way she looks. LOL), then I'm sure you are equally game(cool!) about others making fun of you.
Anyway have a good one. :D
By the way the loose skin and stretch marks on your body don't look too good either. (so much for losing weight). So you better start loving others too like you love yourself. :D
Anonymous: Yes he is obsessed with hamzah isnt he. I think he's feeling rejected that hamzah stopped sinking to his level. Poor guy, I feel sorry for him. He probably will go on and write more after this, but lets leave him in his misery, poor pathetic soul.
Sigh...I thought this was at first someone with an actual sense of humor or class making a critique of my blog but this has gone way beyond that point. I don't care what anyone says about me but when someone who knows me (clearly not personally) but in any distorted way, harasses me or personally insults a member of my family at this time in our lives it's just disgusting. Because of whoever this was, I've blocked anonymous commenting now. I had actually stopped checking the comments on my blog some time ago but his oh so clever jabs at my sister caught my attention. I have no idea what it is that I or my family ever did to this troll but it's clear to me now that he's not the kind of person who could rise above it. I would actually feel some sort of sympathy if he didn't prove to be such a complete baby. The miscreant was right about one thing. I should never have replied to his comment in the first place so I do blame myself for being unaware that such bitter and vindictive individuals actually existed.
Only people who cant come to terms with their sexuality diss people on such a personal level. Oh and Suneeta is public property and its my right as a viewer to be able to scrutinize her. So dont be acting all holier than thou. I admit i get pleasure out of making fun of other people(heck we all do its fuckin human nature) yet again its my human right to do what I like (including wearing contact lenses and dying my hair). My brother and I were fat cos our mamma, bless her, loved us so much she overfed us. I love that lil proverb of sorts which really goes here "i can lose weight but you'll always be ugly".
oh my god, there was me thinking it rather bizzare and odd when Im faced with ID theft...and bizzre pretention to be me and jacking all my friends too ,,
but Boi that guy must have felt sooooooooooooooo threatened by you
Im laughing just reading it all....... I wonder what actually got up his ass (makes it so much more difficult ot handle especailly with the anti-gay cloak he wears...
Darling....you definitely have shaken the world. You are now officially a Celebrity.
XXX
one funny entry.
OMG! I sure didn't read all those comments before my last post.
Sorry, this is not funny at all.
Whoever it is, sounds like he or she has one huge inferiority complex. Dude, should go get your head shrunk from a proper shrink!
Phew. That was... entertaining. A little sickening near the end there but still entertaining. It just goes to show that when you can't get to a person by insulting him then go for his family or those close to him. It's despicable (heheh love that word) but it works. Anyway, good job on how you handled the whole thing, Hamza.
my oh my. i think he/she is deeply in love with you hamzah!
seems like somebody is madly attached to u and ur every move. been stalking u for a while huh? hehe. nice comeback to the hate mail. obinoavey
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