Auld Lang Synes

Blogger convention dictates that the end of the year is a special occassion marked by the making of useless lists which nobody in the whole world (or blorld) cares about. Who am I to fight city hall then? So I've compiled a short mournful list of my favorite cancelled tv shows which I think should have still been on air in this year. Why aren't they? Because the world is fucked up and if it wasn't, every baby would be born with a choice between a pre-paid (for the lazy ones) or a post-paid (for the dumber work-aholics) life.


Futurama


What Futurama did was update The Simpsons, and not in the lovable yet overly preachy way that South Park did or by ending up as haphazard mishmashes of skit-reels like Family Guy and American Dad. Futurama gave the world Zoidberg. Probably the best fictional character ever dreamed up.

Futurama was not only zany but cerebral at the same time for five whole seasons. Case in point: it taught me the most inventive get-rich-quick scheme in the world, which is to open an account, cryogenically freeze yourself for a thousand years, thaw out and find yourself an instant billionaire!

Take a gander below at the biggest loss to the TV industry. (I chose the video clip with Frou Frou's version of Holding Out For A Hero drowning out the dialogue because if you haven't already seen the show you should at least see one full episode without making up your mind after viewing one measly clip.)



Commander In Chief

You would think twice about calling George W. Bush a retard after watching this show, however much evidence there is to support it. Because a president's job is not easy and American presidents, let's face it, are responsible for the whole world. We might want to go ahead with this silly charade of calling ourselves sovereign nations and designing pretty little flags for kicks but the truth is we're all just aisles in the supermarket that is the U.S.A.. And no other show (except maybe The West Wing, 24 and a bunch of others) has done such a good job of making this point clear.

Don't get me wrong the show isn't completely realistic to the point of boredom, like say home videos of your childhood. The edginess factor is provided by the fact that the Commander in Chief is a political independent and a woman AND played by a cyborg which its inventors have lovingly named Geena Davis (hardly noticeable except when they try to make her display too much emotion. I've tried that with my toaster. It just doesn't work).

Only one season of this excellent show is available although if the networks are interested I've written a script for a second season which takes the whole shock value of what-if-a-woman-was-president concept to the next level by having Mackenzie (G-bot's character's name) run against a half-black half-mexican atheist lesbian. And lose!!!

The trailer below is from the less exclamation-mark-worthy, yet good, actual show. (Don't let the lame-brained promo ABC made fool you. This show wasn't written by people who are dumb enough to think that The Guess Who's American Woman is an homage to American Women)