Sunday, December 17, 2006

Plastic Surgery For Your Rashes


The tragedy! The bittersweet tamarindishness of it all! The fourth season of Nip/Tuck has come to a close. Oh how I'll miss Julian MchMahon's ubiquitous ass and the parade of almost perfect tens who invariably end up between his black satin sheets. Never to hear the uncannily well-chosen background music that Roma Maffia plays from a stereo she reaches through glass doors with a seemingly telekinetic swish of her hands, while the Doctors, Troy and McNamara, nip, tuck, suck, uplift or just generally gross-out the audience. Until the start of the fifth season that is!

If you haven't seen Nip/Tuck ever before, I would strongly suggest starting from the first season. It's an unequaled masterpiece which sadly even the writers of said show themselves haven't been able to duplicate and these were no ordinary two-cent hacks but the geniuses...genii(?)...very smart people who came up with the idea of coke mules smuggling their stash in breast implants. Substance and allegory aside, the very sight of Kelly Carlson (a cardinal sin to be confused with lesser female specimen, Kelly Clarkson. Its as easy as telling the difference between potbelly pigs and birds of paradise but to complement my skillfull use of animals as metaphor, the difference between both Kellies is shown below) is enough to keep you coming back for more.




It's also rumored that unless you watch Nip/Tuck you will end up impotent/barren and contract horrible eczema (thank you two hour seminar on advertizing with subtlety and grace). So watch the trailer below or stock up on Dove soaps and steroid ointments.



FYI; that beautiful song those people are awkwardly mouthing is Brighter Discontent by The Submarines. Buy their single too. Same risk of childlessness and skin mutilation applies.

4 comments:

Maldivian Devil said...

is that why my skin is so scratchy?

hamzah said...

Quick before your balls ascend, get a DVD or sumthing.

Unknown said...

It is entirely true that the tight fitting pants and figure hugging shirts for men that is the norm of the un-Islamic Western culture that has eroded our moral values are indeed provocative and enticing to the opposite sex.
The Sunnah advocates use of loose fitting garments for males as well.

hamzah said...

Dude you'll have to ask the ladies on this one but I don't think spandex on a guy ever turned a chick on. They sure do work for the gays though :).