Tuesday, January 16, 2007

If You Got A Fifty-Kilo Ass Put Your Hands Up

I may go on and on about stuff I like (and hate) but I felt my blog desperately needed something that really hits close to home. So I'm getting personal with a dedication to all my heavyset homies and monstrous mamis (you've got to have cried at the end of Shallow Hal to be a member. What? You thought we had to be inclusive just because we're fat? Think again). Mostly because I used to be an actual founder member of the tubby-club (Ladies, the operative word here is "used"). Although I might be more underwear model than Chris Farley now that doesn't mean I've forgotten my roots (my thick juicy tubers). To loosely quote one of the most asinine lyrics in the world "don't be fooled by the stones that I've lost, I'm still (I'm still) chubby from the block".

Don't get me wrong, I'm all about healthy lifestyles and all that new age crap but I have to remind all you lovely people that none of that gives anyone the right to hate. It would be too utopian to expect all the schoolyard taunts and behind-the-back sniggering to stop but at least Beautiful South know's what I'm talking about. Perfect 10, below, goes out to all my plus-size players. So, put down the extra-large bag of chips and give this one a listen.

12 comments:

Athena said...

Hmmm I used to think of myself as a Skinny girl trapped in a fat suit. But was I deluding myself or was i deluded? dunno. Anyway, I am much a happier person for accepting myself for who and what I am - blubber, love handles or tires and all that.
Am at peace bro, and not hate here

Mary-Jo said...

The latest post on Nadha's blog is a revelation- you're vaguely familiar from my CHSE days. Yikes. What a small world even the blogosphere has become.

hamzah said...

Athena, that was the point I was making. I've always told everyone that losing weight for me was not about shame or a desperate attempt to be accepted by my skinnier peers. It was just something I decided to do. Anyone who knows me knows very well that even at my fattest I was very comfortable in my own skin.

Oh dangit Mary-Jo! And I thought I'd always leave a little something to the imagination :D. Now that Nadha has turned me into the whore of Babylon, mind giving me a hint who you were in those CHSE days? No pressure. Anyway it's nice to be recognized. Even when sitting awkwardly on a very tame mare.

Mary-Jo said...

Hamzah: I skived more than I attended classes and eventually quit CHSE for good. So there's no point in cluing you. You wouldn't know me.

Princess nyssa said...

And comfortable you were....you had the nerve to make fat jokes, and fat songs bout the rest of us when your weight was closer to an elephant than the rest of us.....I do still long to cup your ample buzoomas and squaboosh your face instead of poke your ribs and squeeze your jaw.....but you did turn out to be major hottie.....losing weight got me a boyfriend so i am all for it. Although nothing beats waffle and ice cream...Amen

hamzah said...

And my home-made chilli. Droool. I still reserve the right to make songs about people. You skinny bastard. LOLZ. Luv ya sis

Anonymous said...

u n nee ill still b lovable no matter wat size you r. i didnt know wen u were skinny, but nee is right u r one hell of a hottie. n more than that i love how soft u r now. hehehehe.

Unknown said...

*Hands up* both of them actually :D

hamzah said...

N' keep 'em up Shanu. You're a whole lotta woman n twice as sexy as your average Gisele Bundchen. :D. It's all love everybody.

nadha said...

Fuzz, dunno know abt the "hottie" look :P but u r as much a gent as you were then, and for that i'm so so glad. One's personality is more appealing than looks, innit? :P

Unknown said...

Its all love eh and thank you :)

hamzah said...

Nadha, congrats on insulting me with a compliment or was it complimenting me with an insult? LOLZ. Anyway you know I think you totally rock. What you said was real deep. Thanks boo. Muah. Still that doesn't change the fact that I'm god's gift to women. :D